Late Stage Depression

My depression that’s lived inside my entire life has mutated Its mutated it’s something malignant that left my mind in protracted states of atrophy My melancholia has metastasised into these suicidal thoughts Days spent in agony barely able to walk to talk to maintain a functioning body and mind On days off i lay in […]

Daddy Please Don’t Shed Any Tears At My Funeral

Daddy don’t cry don’t mourn for when I’m gone As the priest reads my funeral eulogy don’t lament my passing As the music reverberates in the cavernous church stay stoic and austerePlease don’t cry don’t mourn for a life bereft of meaning or purpose Soon i will be gone the black dog of depression is […]

My Mums Suicide Elegy

Its been 6 years exactly since that dreaded fateful day when me and my dad discovered my mums lifeless haunted body hanging from the top of our living room doorway. The memory the images the wounds of that day blight my mind. I can recall arriving home feeling this teenage weariness after a long day […]

Death

Laying prostrate almost comatose in my bed dreaming of death Sick and twisted thought are ruminating in my mind I cant move from the pain of this depression i want death i want to be nothing I am already dead as the emotion has been vanquished from my body as this dead sensation permeates my […]

2AM Phone Call To The Salvation Army Crisis Hotline

Its 2 am in the morning my hands are shacking covered in blood from another masochistic bout of self harm. I’m laying on my kitchen floor with a razor blade in my right hand my left arm looks ravaged with several vertical deep lacerations on my underarm. My pain receptors are dulled and numb from […]

He Shuddered When He Glimpsed My Face

I entered the door to my block of flats A stranger a neighbour glimpsed my hideous visage and shuddered with horror As I entered the door he was leaving and I perceived from his repulsed reaction to my deformed face He looked at me with terror with derision I was so profoundly embarrassed my our […]

I Drank The Poison

Last night i was afflicted with a harrowing evocative nightmare In this chilling nightmare i found myself being administered a noxious concoction that would end my life A women clothed in white advised me to consume the deadly cocktail I acquiesced to her vehement demands and downed it wanting to end the oppressive pain of […]

I Wish I had £100,000 To Spend On My Body

My body haggard and worn down My bones ache as I walk I glare into the mirror see all the cracks the flaws A body falling apart at the seams wrinkles on my body a face devoid of beauty Eyes listless haunted with years of loneliness and depression Lips pale and pallid that once were […]

Dread

I cant stop shacking my knees are trembling I’m overcome with angst I’m scratching my hands with my fingers Then i keep tapping my feet I’m on the outside away from the comfort the security of my shelter my home The dread the fear is overwhelming My breathing is frantic I’m trying diligently to control […]

I Wish

I wish i was beautiful I wish I could laugh without angst I wish i could look at myself in the mirror without seeing a ugly creature peering back at me I wish i could socialise without being hindered by a deleterious social anxiety that is torturous I wish i could extricate this anxiety from […]