Chapter 10 Peter Allan

For the majority of my adult life and tenure at TWC i have refrained from engaging in romantic or sexual relationships due to my disorder. There was though one individual in my early twenties in my preliminary period at TWC who fired the fervent passions hidden deep inside my introverted introspective personality. This person was […]

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I Hate Myself And Want To Die

Can’t abide the pain of being me anymore I hate myself so fucking badly and all I desire is for this hell to end Viewed myself in the mirror today what a disgusting repulsive human I am With gnarled disfigured teeth and horrendous pasty blotchy skin I hate living in this body living in my […]

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Echoes

Outside my window I hear a cacophony of birds singing The wind howls in this bleak autumn day There a blanket of grey in the skyline that haunts my town I hear the distant echoes of dogs barking children playing mothers bellowing Inside my fortress of solitude there’s a absence of colour I look around […]

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I Miss You Mum

6 years this week you killed yourself It hurts like acid burning a hole in my stomach I miss you think about you everyday Miss your hugs your effusive hugs you bestowed upon me I miss you mum i cry when I hear your funeral songI shed a profusion of tears when I gaze at […]

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Alive

Take the menacing blade of glass in my right hands that is erratically trembling I hols my left arm on the floor and cut with the sharp blade cutting into my underarms Laceration after laceration is made in another bout of euphoric self harm Blood cascades from the deep wounds onto my wooden bedroom floor […]

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Mother

Gone forever existing as a fading memory Death by suicide can still visualise your sad listless eyes Mother i will never forget about you You’re indelible illuminating presence is embedded in my damaged mind There was once bitterness and anger at losing you in the apex of my adolescence Now though its been replaced by […]

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The Serenity Of My Bubble Bath

After a day of anguish and stress I retreat to my bathroom Draw a luscious bubble bath with serene inducing aromas that soothe my anxiety I remove my sweaty cloths and disappear into a sea of bubbles with My naked body is transformed into a euphoric relaxed state in the bliss of my bath The […]

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Ugly Girl

I’m a ugly girl such a fucking ugly girlUgly enough to not want to exist Hate the skin i live in this bag of bones devoid of shape No man looks at me with a lustful gaze i am a invisible to all men I’m so ugly i cant stand the way I appear in […]

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Rumbling In My Stomach

I see has angelic radiating face my heart flutters My stomach rumbles with nervous excitement He smiles at me with his immaculate iridescent smile Why is he gazing at me i averted my gaze as his luscious emerald green eyes beguile me When i see him at the coffee bar in the university campus I’m […]

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Disorder

Lost and confused in a alienated state Alone in the hell of my tortured existence Nobody cares there’s nobody who understands who knows about my pain I want to reach and feel a connection to have another soul hold my mind hug me tightly and share my disorder I’m ill a body paralysed with anxiety […]

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