The Darkest Day Part 3

After the priest powerful emotional soaring eulogy in which we rendered the funeral congregation to tears. My mums best friend since childhood Dorothy again delivered a funny poignant elocution filled with humorous anecdotes and lamenting the tragic untimely passing of her best friend. Then my father got up tentatively to recite a poem which encapsulated […]

Mother

Gone forever existing as a fading memory Death by suicide can still visualise your sad listless eyes Mother i will never forget about you You’re indelible illuminating presence is embedded in my damaged mind There was once bitterness and anger at losing you in the apex of my adolescence Now though its been replaced by […]

The Darkest Day Part 2

After a eternity as me and my grieving stoic father sat languidly in the funeral car directly behind the hearse containing my mothers decaying corpse. Then the rest of the funeral attendees got inside their respective vehicles and we could proceed to the church. It was a long arduous journey as we travelled at a […]

Late Stage Depression

My depression that’s lived inside my entire life has mutated Its mutated it’s something malignant that left my mind in protracted states of atrophy My melancholia has metastasised into these suicidal thoughts Days spent in agony barely able to walk to talk to maintain a functioning body and mind On days off i lay in […]

A Passenger

Existing as a observer of life Not actively engaging in the essential activities of the human race I’m on the outside wanting to be a participant in the wonders of life Wanting love wanting to traverse the globe and witness fantastical awe inspiring vistas but my disorder precludes me from venturing into the wide world […]

The Monster

It lives within me this beast this monster It threatens to ruin me to devour me from the inside When I’m in public when in unfamiliar situations the monster appears torturing me It tells me I’m ugly I’m worthless I’m unlovable The monster has rendered me ravaged shattered exhausted barely able to function It blinded […]

I Wish I had £100,000 To Spend On My Body

My body haggard and worn down My bones ache as I walk I glare into the mirror see all the cracks the flaws A body falling apart at the seams wrinkles on my body a face devoid of beauty Eyes listless haunted with years of loneliness and depression Lips pale and pallid that once were […]

Shadows And Tall Trees

Outside my bedroom window all i see is the shadows A melancholic scenery of autumn trees No sign of life no colour a absence of humanity in my secluded residence I am alone sequestered away yearning for human contact to assuage my depressed anxiety laden malaise All alone at home with the silence that terrifies […]

The Perpetual Hell Of Living With A Social Anxiety Disorder

My social anxiety began in the aftermath of my mothers suicide. Before that harrowing emotional scaring event at the age of 13 i was a shy introvert who could be described as socially awkward. After witnessing my mother dead body the ptsd it was the genesis of my pernicious social anxiety disorder. In the months […]

I Wish

I wish i was beautiful I wish I could laugh without angst I wish i could look at myself in the mirror without seeing a ugly creature peering back at me I wish i could socialise without being hindered by a deleterious social anxiety that is torturous I wish i could extricate this anxiety from […]