Chapter 10 Peter Allan

For the majority of my adult life and tenure at TWC i have refrained from engaging in romantic or sexual relationships due to my disorder. There was though one individual in my early twenties in my preliminary period at TWC who fired the fervent passions hidden deep inside my introverted introspective personality. This person was […]

Chapter 7 An Alien Trapped In A Cage

Confined condemned to exist in this cage this metaphorical cage of sequestration from the world. I am a alien creature hidden away in walls of isolation prevented due to my pathological condition from connecting with the humans. A condition a sickness of the mind that has damaged permanently my relationship to the human race. I […]

Chapter 6 I Have No Friends

All of my adult life maintaining long term meaningful friendships was immensely difficult. When my personality disorder emerged in my late teens the negative anti social traits made friendships increasingly arduous to develop or preserve. Even as a child friendships were elusive special gifts i had to treasure. My circle of friends were long standing […]

Chapter 4 From The Light Into The Darkness

From the inception of my adulthood my personality my behaviour began to alter. I started to exhibit increasingly detrimental behaviours which were indicators of a severe personality disorder. At the time i was unaware i was suffering from the negative symptoms of being schizoid. For myself I had completely normalised these eccentric habits. The proclivity […]

Chapter 1 My Disorder

From my earliest childhood memories i always felt different regarding myself as a alien not part of the human race. Remembering always feeling isolated from the world having a perception that there is something wrong or peculiar about me. From earliest memory i suffered with deep feelings of self loathing and worthlessness. Having the impression […]

I Miss You Mum

6 years this week you killed yourself It hurts like acid burning a hole in my stomach I miss you think about you everyday Miss your hugs your effusive hugs you bestowed upon me I miss you mum i cry when I hear your funeral songI shed a profusion of tears when I gaze at […]

Alive

Take the menacing blade of glass in my right hands that is erratically trembling I hols my left arm on the floor and cut with the sharp blade cutting into my underarms Laceration after laceration is made in another bout of euphoric self harm Blood cascades from the deep wounds onto my wooden bedroom floor […]

Voices In My Head

Lost in the walls of my mind Lost all alone with these venomous inner voices that reverberate inside my damaged mind They scream they bellow when i loom at my ghastly visage in the mirror They scream freak ugly scum as i shudder These voices bark at me in the night They tell me to […]

Spiralling Out Of Control

My mind is beset with anxiety today I started the day feeling normal just slightly nervous Then over the course of the day my anxiety intensified as i spiralled out of control By the end of the day my hands were shacking i could barely breathe This anxiety is killing its living in hellIts rendered […]

Dreams

Drifting away into realms of my subconscious I dream in colour with a polychromatic visions that float through my unconscious mindI am sailing through the vast wondrous galaxy with a awe inspiring incandescent stars beaming not my engrossed mind Reds and blues and greens illuminate the horizon I’m in ecstasy In this euphoric dream I’m […]