Freedom

I put on my noise cancelling headphones
Then the rhapsodic classical echoes into my ears
I’m in heaven laying on my bed letting the serene luscious music take me to a higher plain of consciousness
I close my eyes as psychedelic visions appear in my stoned mind

I am free now in a high state with the cannabis and the sublime music working in tandem to ameliorate my anxiety laden mind
The thoughts of sadness of a suicide of self loathing dissipate as the glorious sounds of a symphony life to a elevated otherworldly state of being
Theres no feeling of dread no heartbreak no depression nothing but the pure beauty of Mozart

I am free in my solitude with my closet confidant my most treasured music
The chains of my impaired personality are broken as my soul soars into the heaven i am exultant
The hallucinogenic visions continue to wash over me I’m getting higher and higher with my eyes closed in rapturous sensations

The symphony plays no distraction no hum and drum of urban life
The mind is in a a serene place bereft of melancholy
I meditate to the ethereal music that takes me to outer space
The cannabis and music has transformed my weary languid condition

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I Drank The Poison

Last night i was afflicted with a harrowing evocative nightmare
In this chilling nightmare i found myself being administered a noxious concoction that would end my life
A women clothed in white advised me to consume the deadly cocktail
I acquiesced to her vehement demands and downed it wanting to end the oppressive pain of being alive

In this vivid dark prophecy of my untimely demise the poison only worked when i fall into a deep slumber
Upon drinking the suicide cocktail i immediately regretted my deleterious decision to end my life
I pleaded with this mysterious women in white to help me stay alive
She told me in this white room there were only 2 options to stave off death to remain awake for 24 hours or too vomit out the deadly chemicals from my fragile body

I concluded to stay awake in my fanatic condition
Rushing home at a expeditious pace wanting desperately to be alive to expunge the toxic concoction from my body
In this long vivid dream I consumed a copious amount of coffee in a diligent attempt to remain alive
I pleaded begged god to keep from the savage jaws of death in the end of the dream I miraculously survived then i awoke with terror and a profusion of sweat on my anxiety laden body

Lost My Faith In God

Once upon a time i used to be a vehement vociferous believer in god
I would habitually attend church on a Sunday
I would carry the crucifix round my neck
Every night I would say a prayer recite passages from the new a testament

When my mother died when the genesis of my depression began
It was religion it was god that gave me solace that assuaged my sadness my suicidal predilections
Now at 23 that faith that adamant sanguine faith has eroded
The depression that panic attack the anxiety has grown more severe and god the church has forsaken me in my time of need

The iridescent light of religion has faded away
Now these once profound verses these teachings of Jesus ring hollow in my dejected mind
I cry at night god never answers my hollows of despair
Tears flow nobody up there seems to care

Right now I believe there is no god no almighty divine creator
The world my life is permeated with such misery such pain for a benevolent being to actually exist
Its been over a year since attended mass the last time was a harrowing experience
The once poignant words from a priest meant nothing to me years of depression of alienation has erased my faith in god in humanity