Chapter 11 No Future

It’s New Year’s Eve a typical news years night in my lonely schizoid life. No raucous party no frequenting night clubs no prolonged period of public inebriation or social interaction. I have no friends i have a vacant private life devoid of meaningful human connection. Consequently i spend New Year’s Eve as a sad pathetic […]

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Chapter 8 The Purgatory Of 9 Till 5

Every working day starts and ends in the same laborious way. There’s no meaningful differentiation from one day to the next. It’s me completing the same task the exact duplicate itinerary for every single working day. It’s a vacuous boring subsistence existence that i have been condemned to endure. The routine however is comforting allowing […]

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Chapter 6 I Have No Friends

All of my adult life maintaining long term meaningful friendships was immensely difficult. When my personality disorder emerged in my late teens the negative anti social traits made friendships increasingly arduous to develop or preserve. Even as a child friendships were elusive special gifts i had to treasure. My circle of friends were long standing […]

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Chapter 1 My Disorder

From my earliest childhood memories i always felt different regarding myself as a alien not part of the human race. Remembering always feeling isolated from the world having a perception that there is something wrong or peculiar about me. From earliest memory i suffered with deep feelings of self loathing and worthlessness. Having the impression […]

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A Exultant Night Out In Cambridge

My body is soaked in a luxurious orange blossom infused bubble bath. I’m in a tranquil setting as my anxiety my body dysmorphia is alleviated as i soak my scrawny body in the bath as Lana del Rey plays on my Bluetooth speakers. I’m getting ready for another exultant night out with my university cohorts. […]

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Mother

Gone forever existing as a fading memory Death by suicide can still visualise your sad listless eyes Mother i will never forget about you You’re indelible illuminating presence is embedded in my damaged mind There was once bitterness and anger at losing you in the apex of my adolescence Now though its been replaced by […]

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Rumbling In My Stomach

I see has angelic radiating face my heart flutters My stomach rumbles with nervous excitement He smiles at me with his immaculate iridescent smile Why is he gazing at me i averted my gaze as his luscious emerald green eyes beguile me When i see him at the coffee bar in the university campus I’m […]

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