Chapter 9 Trapped Inside A Big Blue Dream

Ever since i was a infant i had this innate predilection to fantasise. Before I developed this emotional crippled personality disorder i had this atypical inclination to disappear into a elaborate fantasy world. A inner universe in which i created a alter ego alternative version of myself. A character that i could live vicariously through […]

Chapter 7 An Alien Trapped In A Cage

Confined condemned to exist in this cage this metaphorical cage of sequestration from the world. I am a alien creature hidden away in walls of isolation prevented due to my pathological condition from connecting with the humans. A condition a sickness of the mind that has damaged permanently my relationship to the human race. I […]

Chapter 6 I Have No Friends

All of my adult life maintaining long term meaningful friendships was immensely difficult. When my personality disorder emerged in my late teens the negative anti social traits made friendships increasingly arduous to develop or preserve. Even as a child friendships were elusive special gifts i had to treasure. My circle of friends were long standing […]

Chapter 2 My Seemingly Normal Childhood

I was born in the autumn of 1984 in a working class northern town in England. Birthed into this world in the town of Mayberry raised by two normal parents. Their names were Sarah and David Harratt they named me Patrick. It was a stereotypical rundown humdrum derelict working class town that had suffered the […]

Why I Self Harm

The sun is setting on a another sweltering July evening. I peer outside my window with my stoned eyes looking at another majestic picturesque sunset. The full spectrum of colours on display the yellows and reds inflame my mind as I’m standing glaring outside my bedroom window viewing the sublime evening panorama of a luscious […]

Red

Red the spectacular awe inspiring colours of the sunsetAs I gaze at this psychedelic vision on the horizon Whilst instantaneous getting high on this potent cannabis Images memories from my past my turbulent tragic adolescence flood into my stoned consciousness A singular tear forms on my left eye lid It runs down my face as […]

I’m A Beast

Can’t go out tonight had turn down my friends fervent requests to go out I made the fateful error of looking at myself in the mirror without my makeup A hideous malformed creature appeared in my bathroom mirror With cracked blotchy and a pallid unappealing complexion Teeth when i smiled looking gnarled unsightly not exactly […]

Echoes

Outside my window I hear a cacophony of birds singing The wind howls in this bleak autumn day There a blanket of grey in the skyline that haunts my town I hear the distant echoes of dogs barking children playing mothers bellowing Inside my fortress of solitude there’s a absence of colour I look around […]

Harrowing vivid Nightmare

I awake at 3 o’clock in the morning my forehead is soaked in sweat. I’m sitting upright on my single bed breathing heavily. Panting like a frightened dog after experiment a harrowing vivid nightmare that wrecked me with anxiety and distress. For the rest of the night and early mourning i was unable to fall […]

Voices In My Head

Lost in the walls of my mind Lost all alone with these venomous inner voices that reverberate inside my damaged mind They scream they bellow when i loom at my ghastly visage in the mirror They scream freak ugly scum as i shudder These voices bark at me in the night They tell me to […]