A Exultant Night Out In Cambridge

My body is soaked in a luxurious orange blossom infused bubble bath. I’m in a tranquil setting as my anxiety my body dysmorphia is alleviated as i soak my scrawny body in the bath as Lana del Rey plays on my Bluetooth speakers. I’m getting ready for another exultant night out with my university cohorts. […]

The Wedding

The Morning Its 8:00 am i have awoken at a ungodly early hour on a clement august Saturday in my old bed in my old house on this supposedly momentous day. Its the day of my fathers wedding day his second wedding nearly 10 years since the traumatic suicide of my mum. 10 years ago […]

My Depression

My depression isn’t romantic its mind numbing boredom Its waking up aching in pain with this weight in your bones Its being able to leave my house for fear of a panic attack Its eschewing looking into the mirror for fear of seeing the monstrous creature that will materialise in the bathroom mirror Its going […]

The Darkest Day Part 2

After a eternity as me and my grieving stoic father sat languidly in the funeral car directly behind the hearse containing my mothers decaying corpse. Then the rest of the funeral attendees got inside their respective vehicles and we could proceed to the church. It was a long arduous journey as we travelled at a […]

Freedom

I put on my noise cancelling headphonesThen the rhapsodic classical echoes into my ears I’m in heaven laying on my bed letting the serene luscious music take me to a higher plain of consciousness I close my eyes as psychedelic visions appear in my stoned mind I am free now in a high state with […]

Ugly Girl

I’m a ugly girl such a fucking ugly girlUgly enough to not want to exist Hate the skin i live in this bag of bones devoid of shape No man looks at me with a lustful gaze i am a invisible to all men I’m so ugly i cant stand the way I appear in […]

A Rapturous Night Of Conviviality And Alcoholic Excess

Let me regale you of a euphoric night of pure hedonism Spending a night with my university cohorts A night devoid of sadness where my heart was in pure rapture Drinking alcohol enjoying the geniality of my closest friends The evening commenced as the sun was setting with a sublime kaleidoscopic sunset We drank in […]

2AM Phone Call To The Salvation Army Crisis Hotline

Its 2 am in the morning my hands are shacking covered in blood from another masochistic bout of self harm. I’m laying on my kitchen floor with a razor blade in my right hand my left arm looks ravaged with several vertical deep lacerations on my underarm. My pain receptors are dulled and numb from […]

My Dream Life

I have this envision of a perfect idealised idyllic existence A life far removed from the my lonely life of creative disappointmentA life far away from the rattle and hum of my anxiety impaired urban existence Its a life living in the lush British countryside I have a charming beguiling man of my dreams by […]

I’m Ugly Living With Body Dysmorphia

The genesis of my body dysmorphia began as I entered adolescence. I was always this shy introverted who was acutely self conscious around my secondary school peers. Then a tragic event befall our family my mother committed suicide in my first year i attended secondary school the ptsd I incurred and the isolation i surmised […]