Suicidal Fantasies

In the mire of my terminal depression and deep alienation i have sick fantasies I fantasise a myriad of ways i could kill myselfI envision slashing my wrists having a tsunami of blood spraying on the walls Seeing my body seething in pain with a profusion of blood in a grisly end to a pathetic […]

Dead

No emotion no colour no feeling in my weary bones I am dead waiting to die feeling nothing existing as a ghost I meander through life aimlessly in languid zombie like states of numbed despair I am dead i have become death The emotion the insatiable slug for life has faded away The desire for […]

The Mask

My mask my mask of femininity its wears me it binds it cages meUnable to take off this mask to be vulnerable to show my true feelings My mask keeps my pain my disorders a secret I wear it as a protection to shield me from humanity Its a mask a veneer of a halcyon […]

Ugly

Ugly on the inside as i am on the outside Inside I’m gnarled i hate myself Inside there lurks a darkness that remains unexpressed A sadness a wound that is slowly killing me On the outside is a grotesque perversion of a human being I lack beauty i lack any positive human attribute I am […]

An Evening Of Fear And Loathing Part 1

Tonight’s the night when i will force myself to overcome my fears my crippling social anxiety and go on my first date in nearly 4 years. It will be my first official date as a adult women and I’m overcome with terror and excitement at the thought on embarking on a date with a man […]

The Fantastical Dream Of Happiness

Its a dream a far fetched unattainable fantasy to find happiness I cant find love it eludes me happiness is a myth I want to fall in love to feel the tender kiss of a lover I want to feel the warm embrace of my lover to have him quell my depression my adult alienation […]

The Dark Foreboding Forest

I saunter outside into the unknown into the dark forest Its filled with creatures and monsters wanting to hurt me I am paralysed with anxiety as i wander alone into the forest The paranoia intensifies I don’t feel save her My heart races at a accelerated paceI am struggling to breathe my knees tremble my […]

My Body

In the mirror I inspect my body I am naked dissecting every flaw every crackLooking at my pallid emaciated body with horror No curves no shape just a flat 2d body devoid of personality I have no ass its no bumps just a flat featureless assMy breasts are tiny insignificant no man will be seduced […]

The Ecstasy Of Self Harm

Its a Sunday evening i am laying on my black and white duvet gazing at the white featureless ceiling preparing my body and soul for a evening of blissful masochism. Its been months since my last glorious self harm session. I have been lacerating my under arm for years since i was 14 years old. […]

Fucked Up In The Head

I’m damaged I’m broken I’m so fucked up in the head I hear voices they scream they bellow at me They call me ugly they call me a bitch These voices make me paranoid they tear me apart In public I’m so anxiety ridden i suffer from a panic attacks I feel so intensely self […]