I’m Ugly Living With Body Dysmorphia

The genesis of my body dysmorphia began as I entered adolescence. I was always this shy introverted who was acutely self conscious around my secondary school peers. Then a tragic event befall our family my mother committed suicide in my first year i attended secondary school the ptsd I incurred and the isolation i surmised […]

Shadows And Tall Trees

Outside my bedroom window all i see is the shadows A melancholic scenery of autumn trees No sign of life no colour a absence of humanity in my secluded residence I am alone sequestered away yearning for human contact to assuage my depressed anxiety laden malaise All alone at home with the silence that terrifies […]

Subhuman

On the outside peering in never feeling human I see lovers kissing i see people laughing luxuriating in the fruits of lifePeople comfortable in their own skin having no anxiety no disquiet Whilst i am a outcast a other a subhuman consumed by self loathing I am not of this world not meant to fall […]

Suicidal Fantasies

In the mire of my terminal depression and deep alienation i have sick fantasies I fantasise a myriad of ways i could kill myselfI envision slashing my wrists having a tsunami of blood spraying on the walls Seeing my body seething in pain with a profusion of blood in a grisly end to a pathetic […]

Dead

No emotion no colour no feeling in my weary bones I am dead waiting to die feeling nothing existing as a ghost I meander through life aimlessly in languid zombie like states of numbed despair I am dead i have become death The emotion the insatiable slug for life has faded away The desire for […]

The Mask

My mask my mask of femininity its wears me it binds it cages meUnable to take off this mask to be vulnerable to show my true feelings My mask keeps my pain my disorders a secret I wear it as a protection to shield me from humanity Its a mask a veneer of a halcyon […]

Ugly

Ugly on the inside as i am on the outside Inside I’m gnarled i hate myself Inside there lurks a darkness that remains unexpressed A sadness a wound that is slowly killing me On the outside is a grotesque perversion of a human being I lack beauty i lack any positive human attribute I am […]