Disorder

Lost and confused in a alienated state Alone in the hell of my tortured existence Nobody cares there’s nobody who understands who knows about my pain I want to reach and feel a connection to have another soul hold my mind hug me tightly and share my disorder I’m ill a body paralysed with anxiety […]

A Rapturous Night Of Conviviality And Alcoholic Excess

Let me regale you of a euphoric night of pure hedonism Spending a night with my university cohorts A night devoid of sadness where my heart was in pure rapture Drinking alcohol enjoying the geniality of my closest friends The evening commenced as the sun was setting with a sublime kaleidoscopic sunset We drank in […]

A Passenger

Existing as a observer of life Not actively engaging in the essential activities of the human race I’m on the outside wanting to be a participant in the wonders of life Wanting love wanting to traverse the globe and witness fantastical awe inspiring vistas but my disorder precludes me from venturing into the wide world […]

Concealing My Disorder

I exist in this mask this persona that portrays a veneer of sanity Behind the mask lurks a inner world of darkness with a pernicious social anxiety and crippling depression that i conceal from all of humanity I go out to the world interact with friends smiling laughing concealing my pain never frowning never disclosing […]

The Monster

It lives within me this beast this monster It threatens to ruin me to devour me from the inside When I’m in public when in unfamiliar situations the monster appears torturing me It tells me I’m ugly I’m worthless I’m unlovable The monster has rendered me ravaged shattered exhausted barely able to function It blinded […]

He Shuddered When He Glimpsed My Face

I entered the door to my block of flats A stranger a neighbour glimpsed my hideous visage and shuddered with horror As I entered the door he was leaving and I perceived from his repulsed reaction to my deformed face He looked at me with terror with derision I was so profoundly embarrassed my our […]

I’m Ugly Living With Body Dysmorphia

The genesis of my body dysmorphia began as I entered adolescence. I was always this shy introverted who was acutely self conscious around my secondary school peers. Then a tragic event befall our family my mother committed suicide in my first year i attended secondary school the ptsd I incurred and the isolation i surmised […]

I Wish I had £100,000 To Spend On My Body

My body haggard and worn down My bones ache as I walk I glare into the mirror see all the cracks the flaws A body falling apart at the seams wrinkles on my body a face devoid of beauty Eyes listless haunted with years of loneliness and depression Lips pale and pallid that once were […]

Dread

I cant stop shacking my knees are trembling I’m overcome with angst I’m scratching my hands with my fingers Then i keep tapping my feet I’m on the outside away from the comfort the security of my shelter my home The dread the fear is overwhelming My breathing is frantic I’m trying diligently to control […]

The Perpetual Hell Of Living With A Social Anxiety Disorder

My social anxiety began in the aftermath of my mothers suicide. Before that harrowing emotional scaring event at the age of 13 i was a shy introvert who could be described as socially awkward. After witnessing my mother dead body the ptsd it was the genesis of my pernicious social anxiety disorder. In the months […]