Chapter 11 No Future

It’s New Year’s Eve a typical news years night in my lonely schizoid life. No raucous party no frequenting night clubs no prolonged period of public inebriation or social interaction. I have no friends i have a vacant private life devoid of meaningful human connection. Consequently i spend New Year’s Eve as a sad pathetic […]

Read More Chapter 11 No Future

Chapter 6 I Have No Friends

All of my adult life maintaining long term meaningful friendships was immensely difficult. When my personality disorder emerged in my late teens the negative anti social traits made friendships increasingly arduous to develop or preserve. Even as a child friendships were elusive special gifts i had to treasure. My circle of friends were long standing […]

Read More Chapter 6 I Have No Friends

Chapter 3 Teenage Alienation

As i progressed into adolescence i was cognisant that i began to change as a person. Transforming in many positive aspects in my self confidence in my ambitions for the future. Benefiting from the atmosphere that was fostered in my secondary school education. It was a environment where you could thrive where intellectual curiosity was […]

Read More Chapter 3 Teenage Alienation

No Future

Sick of the pain the god damn fucking pain that lurks in my mind. Everyday is a arduous struggle to survive living is extremely hard I’m suffocating on the noxious fumes of my defective body and mind. This is my last literary effort after this i plan to expeditiously kill myself the same way my […]

Read More No Future

A Exultant Night Out In Cambridge

My body is soaked in a luxurious orange blossom infused bubble bath. I’m in a tranquil setting as my anxiety my body dysmorphia is alleviated as i soak my scrawny body in the bath as Lana del Rey plays on my Bluetooth speakers. I’m getting ready for another exultant night out with my university cohorts. […]

Read More A Exultant Night Out In Cambridge

The Wedding

The Morning Its 8:00 am i have awoken at a ungodly early hour on a clement august Saturday in my old bed in my old house on this supposedly momentous day. Its the day of my fathers wedding day his second wedding nearly 10 years since the traumatic suicide of my mum. 10 years ago […]

Read More The Wedding

Why I Self Harm

The sun is setting on a another sweltering July evening. I peer outside my window with my stoned eyes looking at another majestic picturesque sunset. The full spectrum of colours on display the yellows and reds inflame my mind as I’m standing glaring outside my bedroom window viewing the sublime evening panorama of a luscious […]

Read More Why I Self Harm

I Hate Myself And Want To Die

Can’t abide the pain of being me anymore I hate myself so fucking badly and all I desire is for this hell to end Viewed myself in the mirror today what a disgusting repulsive human I am With gnarled disfigured teeth and horrendous pasty blotchy skin I hate living in this body living in my […]

Read More I Hate Myself And Want To Die

The End

Not long before I cease existing I’m close to the end when I will take the decisive step to end my life I can see the black oblivion of nothingness that will consume my soul I can see my consciousness evaporating into another realm into the cosmos The end is nigh when the torture of […]

Read More The End

I’m A Beast

Can’t go out tonight had turn down my friends fervent requests to go out I made the fateful error of looking at myself in the mirror without my makeup A hideous malformed creature appeared in my bathroom mirror With cracked blotchy and a pallid unappealing complexion Teeth when i smiled looking gnarled unsightly not exactly […]

Read More I’m A Beast