Chapter 7 An Alien Trapped In A Cage

Confined condemned to exist in this cage this metaphorical cage of sequestration from the world. I am a alien creature hidden away in walls of isolation prevented due to my pathological condition from connecting with the humans. A condition a sickness of the mind that has damaged permanently my relationship to the human race. I am a alien forbidden due to my sickness to process normal human emotions. Love and friendship are strange fantastical unattainable human sensations. I recognise love i see tremendous examples of its power of the celestial beauty of love. Through art through observing human behaviour my understanding of love is illuminated. However due to being a alien freak I’m prohibited from receiving or dispensing love to other human beings. I have been condemned to be enclosed in this rusty cage of isolation for eternity. I will never leave this desolate habitat.

This abandoned cage where I have been cursed to remain a indefinite prisoner to never witness the glowing neon lights of life. It’s a dark gothic prison where my tortured alien soul is held captive. The walls of the cage echo haunted screams of my interminable loneliness of the pains of a dissociated life. The walls and bars of the cage run black with the tears with the sorrow of my emotionally crippled ravaged soul. Inside the cage there is no glimmer of light only shadows and gloomy tones. No luminous radiant colours shine into this cage of isolation. The cage is hidden behind layers of walls. No soul enters no light no life inside this forlorn dwelling. No human bothers to glimpse inside this blackened rusty cage. No human has the fortitude has the compassion to penetrate this cloistered fortress.

The cage where my alien soul dwells remains a barren empty habitat. It wasn’t created as a blackened rusted cage of hopeless endless solitude. The enclosure was once a shelter from the savagery of life on earth. It became a sanctuary of comfort from the coldness of my exterior environment. Outside of my fortress i was exposed i was vulnerable to humanities cruelty to a daily onslaught of callous human behaviour. Outside of my enclave I encountered a dearth of warmth. Friendship genuine human connection was lacking outside of my private kingdom. The bitter the chill i was confronted with took a devastating toll on my fragile alien spirit. I was exposed in the wilderness to the savagery of man to mans inhumanity to mans malicious nature. Hence I retreated from a callous human universe into a private withdrawn landscape.

My private universe I created for myself was a utopian domain where i was able to separate my body from the suffering the real world subjected me to. It was my isolation chamber a venue of emotional regression a metaphorical womb. I freed myself from the brutal realities of being a human being and imagined a perfect alternative reality. Profound human connections were actualised in this virtual reality of my vast imagination. Impossible fantastical essential human experiences like love and friendship were plausible in this fantasy world. I developed this impenetrable fortress over a number of years to shelter my body completely from any human contact. This walled private kingdom was a way of detaching myself from the cruel world. It enabled myself to put up a veil a mask from my inner turmoil from my private demons.

Having this secluded abode enabled me to hide the pain to numb the pain to push the misery of my alienation deep inside the chasms of my subconscious. In my private acropolis i could sustain myself keeping a appropriate distance from human life. Outside the walls and windows i gazed upon the town from my home. The sparkling coruscating lights of human activity the glorious transcendental vision of life the visual feast that was visible inside my dark alien fortress. My intense desire to be alone for the comfort blanket of the cell had taken away from all that beauty all that effervescent human activity. Existing in this realm was supposed to elevate me to a higher state of consciousness all it did was plunge me into states of emotional despair. This physical and spiritual partition from humanity had slowly poisoned my damaged mind. I was chocking on the noxious fumes of this confined pathetic life.

My becoming anonymous to the entire human species i had incrementally deteriorated into this dead being existing in the dead zone. My once pure idealistic mind had been transformed into this dark grotesque alien. A social freak who lived on the outskirts of society. Living through a limited black and white spectrum of experiences. Never exposing or participating in the salient human endeavours that gave being a living human it’s meaning its purpose. The vast gamut of human sensations i was denied from enjoying i was living exiled from all that beauty all that joy. Living apart from the tangible world of people, subsisting in a this dingy rotten fort with only a illusionary inner world for comfort. Over the years the fortification of my private habitat had metamorphosis into a cage of eternal darkness. It became a self manufactured prison that i was precluded from ever escaping. There would be no escape from this encased tomb from this dungeon of social exclusion.

My deformed alien brain had for a long time been ignorant of how my fortress had slowly been perverted into a shadowy cage of nothingness. My forts corruption into a prison had coincided with my metamorphosis from a weird odd introvert into a broken deformed alien creature. A alien being unable to coexist with these strange human creatures and their odd eccentric habits. All the intrinsic human qualities characteristics of being a full fledged human being i was missing in my abnormal alien personality. For many years i was blind to how damaged how peculiar i was to other humans. Then i had a moment of devastating illumination of how the others perceived me. How severely impaired my cancerous alien personality had become.

My life through the years had descended into dullsville into a pattern of meaningless rigid routine. A cycle of solitude of work and home no deviation from this meticulously observed routine that maintained my sanity that pacified the anxiety I encountered in interacting with the humans. Living so impoverished so bereft of human contact having no purpose no real reason to exist other than observe a endless cycle of surviving. Gradually through time i began to see myself as subhuman as i couldn’t exhibit any of the intrinsic human qualities. I viewed myself as a alien creature visiting form another planet. A sentient alien being possessing human skin desperately attempting to appear human. Endeavouring to convey human emotions. In reality i am not of this world i am a strange alien who doesn’t possess typical human personality attributes. I am incapable of feeling our exuding any sincere emotion.

My mind is not human its a brain a consciousness from a distant planet who my a cosmic miracle has been transported on earths lush expansive terrain. I am precluded from participating in essential human experiences cursed to be an outsider yearning to feel human to feel a profound connection with any human spirit. My alien body and soul lives in the shadowlands of my private isolation. Instead of being integrated into the centre of society I remain trapped on the outside with only the tranquillising drug of my private island for solace. I want fiercely to feel something to receive the transformational drug of direct human connection. Want to feel the glorious elevating human emotion of love of being loved. Want my alienated body to be transformed into a ecstatic state of pure being. Want all these negative emotions emanating throughout my consciousness to evaporate and to have a miraculous personality transfiguration. In this transfiguration i will be elevated into euphoric states with me receiving the spiritual bliss of love. These fundamental human experiences are so elusive to me they are only possible in the fantasy realm. I am prohibited because of my dysfunctional alien personality from engaging in these beautiful life affirming human experiences.

I wonder the earth alone observing humanity as a passenger as a tourist. Life is so very finite and precious my prosaic life is passing me by. I am a virtual stranger to all the human i have cursory interactions with never cultivating profound deep connections. I am a visitor a otherworldly being not meant to find love to have a purpose on this beautiful planet. I’m too broken too defective to function as a useful citizen of the human race. I exist locked away from the shimmering transformative beauty of humanity locked inside my impenetrable fortress. I live as a alone misanthrope cast out by my defective unappealing personality into this cage into a private hell without colour without the blinding lights of humanities beauty.

I admire the human race from afar from my secluded habitat with envious eyes. I watch human being in love creating families based on the rich foundation of love. These strange humans that live contentedly and surrounded by these emotional beneficial relationships. Creating a life of meaning a spiritually enlightened coexistence. They have complications in these intimate claustrophobic interconnections. They expose their emotions allow themselves to be vulnerable to live without boundaries without the walls of severe emotional repression. It’s a wondrous life of iridescent glorious memories that my sad individualised life is lacking in. They drink from the chalice of friendship the humans create these elaborate networks of human connections. That provide layers upon layers of joy to their life on earth. My colourless inanimate life is bereft of the enchanting intoxicating narcotic of human friendship. I am on the outside a refugee starving for nourishment wanting somebody to connect with. Desperate to drink form the luscious vessel of humanity finding only the endless desert of alienation. There’s no soul here in the arid desert vista you thirst you fantasise about one day breaking the drought the famine of isolation.

I remain on the outside for eternity languishing like a gollum creature devoid of any vigour. This is my curse to be condemned to a half life eclipsed in darkness. A life in the depths of the hollow of endless suffering. Days consumed with resented with envy at the humans in find bliss on this fertile planet. Resentment at those who actualise the nirvana of love whilst I waste away in the abyss. I waste away the opportunity the infinite ocean of possibilities being handed the gift of life has bestowed me. A ugly soul cursed to exist his duration on earth in spiritual impoverishment staving for the light for the coruscating glow of humanities warmth.

I glimpse at the deformed reflection in the mirror inside my cage of solitary confinement. I no longer see a photogenic angelic human being capable of love capable of receiving or giving joy to people. I see a grotesque aberrant alien creature with hideous features. The deformed visage is indicative of a life without human contact where the colour the vitality slowly fades away as the repulsive creature replaces a once promising sweet young man. I’m gnarled on the inside with acid bitterness eating away at me. I’m am unable to exhibit normal human emotions unable to convey warmth unable to relate to people beyond a the superficial shallow level.

I have endured this sad life which has left me physically and psychologically ravaged. Once I was this shy precocious beacon of vast possibilities. This young person who was a flower waiting to bloom. Now I’m a ugly grey wilted barely living alien freak. All the humanity all the beauty has abandoned my body and soul. Now there’s only emptiness the cage my condition. Wanting to extricate myself from this abysmal place to discover a tiny slither of affirmation of my humanity. I had dreams allusions of the wondrous possibilities that one day i could get to experience. Now I’m left to consume the bitter rotten strawberries of my cursed alien existence as oppose to devouring the succulent fruits of life.

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