Isolation

Trapped inside my flat my insulated enclave
Trapped inside the inhibitions of my anxiety riddled personality
The isolation the alienation of my life is slowly killing me
I look outside my dusty window and see a vast landscape a world with colour with beauty i want to experience to taste to devour

My anxiety disorder precludes me from regularly going outside
Only when its necessary such as attending my job or purchasing food at the shops
Other than that I remain ensconced in my tiny flat hidden away
Turning down requests from friends for nights out with this onerous anxiety that never abates or relents

I desire to be rid of this pernicious social anxiety
A debilitating anxiety that renders me paralysed with nervousness when I’m outside of my safety zone of my flat
I cant go out anymore hence i refrain from answering incessant messages from old friends
I hide with all the lights out not wanting to communicate with another soul that’s how horrendous the anxiety gets

I suffer from regular humiliating panic attacks when I’m in public
So I retreats further and further inwards into these protracted states of isolation
Theres initially comfort in the isolation but the loneliness is painful
I have nobody to confide with nobody to hug to kiss to feel the torture of my disorder the loneliness gets so bad I contemplate suicide

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