Subhuman

On the outside peering in never feeling human
I see lovers kissing i see people laughing luxuriating in the fruits of life
People comfortable in their own skin having no anxiety no disquiet
Whilst i am a outcast a other a subhuman consumed by self loathing

I am not of this world not meant to fall in love
Happiness eludes me in a sad form life devoid of physical intimacy
I have friends but am unable due to the impediments of my personality from falling in love or experiencing the ecstasy of sex
I fantasise about having a lover caressing my body being taken to new realms of euphoric bliss

I will never have that illusionary vision of love
My life is a life permeated with loneliness
Nights spent alone in my dank decrepit flat
I shed tears as I sink deeper into the mire into the rut of suicidal depression

My body dysmorphia my self loathing precludes from tasting the luscious fruits of the world
I am cursed to be on the outside to wander aimlessly the alienated wilderness of my adulthood
A subhuman freak who makes other humans shudder with horror at my repulsive physical appearance
My face my eyes my body my entire essence devoid of grace of beauty my personality condemns me to terminal torturous loneliness

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