The Fear

I’m afraid I’m petrified it the fear the anxiety that I have to endure
The fear of the outside of being trapped in uncomfortable unfamiliar social situations
The fear of being vulnerable of feeling this nakedness
The fear of a dreadful injurious panic attack that every time feels like death

The fear begins with heavy uncontrolled hysterical breathing
I can’t breathe i cant breathe i cant catch a breathe
I falling down a dark tunnel a million anxiety laden thoughts pulsate in my fractured psyche
I drop to my knees my arms clasp my head still I’m falling at a precipitous pace down into the abyss

I’m dying i feel like death the fear is horrifying
Is this hell is this death is this another harrowing panic attack
Or am I suffering an actual heart attack
Theres shooting pains in my arms i cant breathe i cant walk

My chest is so oppressively constricted please let this nightmare be over
I cry from the panic from the misery of this purgatory this panic attack
The tears flow i am hysterical i want to be home
I fervently desire the serenity of my bed i want the tears to stop

Still i am breathing heavily and frantically
People are watching judging castigating my abnormal behaviour
I cant help it i am afflicted with a pathological anxiety disorder
The tears still cascading i return to a semblance of normality as the panic attack abates now I have to lumber on home with the paranoia the agony of another pernicious traumatising panic attack

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