Hopeless

I am lost in thoughts of abject despair
There is no hope anymore no reason to exist
No love on the horizon just a vast perennial loneliness
Hope has evaporated from my life leaving a noxious poison of suicidal ruminations

I have searched wandered for months looked for a sign
I yearn for a reason to carry on existing
I have visited churches been out socialising
looked for meaning for hope in exemplary works of literature in music there a sadness that will never leave me

I once once this effusive exuberant adolescence full of vivacity
Now I’m a languid lifeless sad pathetic adult living as a ghost
The colour has vanished from me i am a emaciated pallid creature waiting for the inevitable death
Soon in the next week i will end my life

I cant bear the hopelessness the emotional torture of my depression any longer
Can’t endure the alienation of my social anxiety that’s left me unable to venture outside to interact with strangers
I’m precluded from cultivating friendships due to my paralysing pernicious social anxiety disorder
I will never get better will never be emancipated from my mental illnesses i am alone in my terminal loneliness i am alone in my despair yearning for the day when i vanish into the vast nothingness and become nothing more than a sad fading memory

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2 thoughts on “Hopeless

  1. I have been through what you’re going through right now. Trust me, things will get better. You are stronger than you think and you could beat this depression. Please get some help from a professional.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. And I really hope you read this comment. You are a good soul who thinks it’s over but it is not. You can fight this and I am sure you would win!
      Ending your life will not solve anything and you deserve happiness. We all do! This is not the end (No matter what your heart is telling you right now).
      I know how it feels when you’re just waiting for that moment when you end everything. I know it’s lonely and painful but believe me, you’re not alone. And I hope you would see that too. Your life is precious and you’re precious too. Please don’t give up!

      Liked by 1 person

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