The Wedding

Had to attend my fathers second wedding
It was torture having to hide my anxiety my severe depression
Forcing a insincere smile on staged photographs
Pretending to be happy for my father pretending to be happy to be alive

The social anxiety i endured was onerous
I disappeared for hours in the toilet shacking twitching breathing heavily
I hid all these deep seated psychological problems from my odious family
I put on a mask of serenity appeared like a sanguine young adult who was happy my father was remarrying

I hated the entire false antiquated spectacle of marriage
Hated that it was set in a choice a edifice of the lies of religion of the promise of eternal bliss
I hate the concept of love finding a soul mate it utter bullshit

The 12 hours of hell putting on a constricting demure dress having strangers gawping at my body
Feeling so judged for my appearance having distant relations judging my odd behaviour
My father has found a new wife after 10 years after my mother committed suicide
He’s forgotten her life abandoned her its as if she was never born he never talk about mother and on the wedding we barely said two words to each other
I pretended to be happy for him really I don’t care I want to be alone to suffer in silence and extricate family from my life forever

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