We rarely speak you’re my last parent
Since mothers suicide we have drifted further and further apart
Our conversations are stilted and awkward
There’s no warmth no connection between us
We never speak about mothers suicide
The emotional torment that tragic act engendered in our lives
Even talking about mother is verboten in our home
She is a ghost a fading memory that haunts us that haunts me in the depths of my subconscious
Daddy on the sporadic instances when I visit you from my university
We are two strangers I disappear into the shelter of my room
Or i venture outside to reconnect with old friends
We don’t spend extensive time basking in each other’s company
When I arrive at my old home you don’t embrace me in a effusive hug
There’s a distant hello a coldness in your reserved personality
I know i remind you of mother as i grow into a woman
I want desperately to have a warm meaningful relationship with you my last living guardian
Daddy i love you even though i never say it or express these suppressed emotions just like you
I want us to break the ice of our aloof relationship
I want us to speak loquaciously about the torment the pain of losing mother of seeing her lifeless body seeing her kill herself
