5 Years Ago

5 Years this week you left me forever
I returned home with my father to find your hanging corpse
You hung yourself and left a verbosely worded forlorn suicide note
A note in which you eloquently delineated your reasons why you took such a deleterious act of self destruction

The pain of seeing your body has left me broken damaged
There are scars that will never heal
Wounds that cut deep pain that is never discussed that is never articulated
I keep this emotional torment of your premature death silent

The pain though haunts me like a ghost giving me nightmares
Declining to resolve or to divulge my melancholic feeling the pain has metastasised into a serious mental illness
Nobody knows of my inner torment the tears i shed at musing you at needing your love
Friends or close relatives are unaware of the depths if my untreated ptsd of losing you in the heat of my tumultuous adolescence

I endlessly think about you i examine your beautiful face in haunting photographs i have kept as a memento
I see your auburn hair cascading down your porcelain fragile Irish face
You are so beautiful so warm so vulnerable so damaged i miss you everyday you are forever in my thoughts your iridescent memory will never fade from my damaged consciousness

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