I listlessly traverse to my warehouse 5 times a week. It’s like a beehive where worker drones make honey for a amoral monolithic corporate entity. As i travel to this grey lifeless colourless workplace environment my heart sinks into a prolonged state of melancholy. The sadness the malaise grows more intense as i become more proximate to this forlorn workplace setting. Everyday i wear the same clothes the same mundane corporately mandated uniform that strips me of my entire identity that transforms me into a faceless mindless zombie. I wear a blue shirt that reveals the particular company i work for with the black trousers which competes my workplace apparel. When i vacate my humble abode to another day in workplace purgatory I conceal the fact I’m employed for a faceless corporation. I am ashamed of my job my meagre salary my lowly position the lack of meaning purpose fulfilment i find in this dreaded warehouse.
As I lethargically travelling to work i escape from the grim reality by listening to exemplary music that momentarily allows me to feel alive to feel like a person. The music that blares in my ears over the course of this short 30 minute journey assuages the anxiety the disquietude of being confined in a stultifying workplace venue. The warehouse that’s bereft of soul feels more like a prison I’m realised from after 8 hours of mind numbing tedium. Finally after I trek on the same route day after day i reach my destination. My fragile heart is pounding with anxiety as i can see the rusty gates of my warehouse the prison complex where i work to survive. I can this cavernous warehouse where us workers perform menial tasks that a robot could perform. The greyed unimaginative warehouse where up to a 1000 worker drones are confined until 8 hours has passed. Nothing interesting or exciting transpires in this dead zone. No interesting conversation no laugher no smiling just the same glum expressions. Workers who have emotional emptied out who are numb to their individual pain. Employees of this faceless corporation who have hallow vacant expression with their ravaged faces. Eyes that look haunted after years sometimes decades of tedious employment that has slowly destroyed any hope for the future.
I enter the warehouse complex with the anxiety increasing with every incremental footstep then i enter the hive. I clock on and the shift accounted my heart pounds as I become cognisant i am going to trapped in the warehouse for 8 hours. 8 hours of interminable boredom where the only escape will be the occasional conversation with a coworker and my endless flights of fancy as i daydream. Getting lost in my private fantasy world as i escape reality of the suffocating claustrophobic warehouse domain by imaging being a completely different persons living a spiritually enriched life.
The shift in this metaphorical prison starts with the line manager assigning the faceless workers with their various tasks they will be required to carry out of the shift. My social anxiety is at its most pronounced at this time as i feel surrounded by people as i try to avoid eye contact. I can sense their judging prying eyes fixing one me looking at me with disdain with utter contempt. Then we disperse to mindlessly execute menial tasks in the moil the drudgery of this warehouse environment. Usually I find myself alone separated from the workers. The isolation helps to mitigate the endless anxiety i am afflicted from. My social anxiety condition and my aspergers means I greatly prefer prolonged solitude far away from the angst of social interaction. This meagre unappealing form of employment is really the only form of employment i can exist within due to my 2 socially paralysing disorders. Being afflicted with apergers precludes from participating in more intellectually and financially enriching vocations.
The warehouse is my prison my rusty iron cage that’s a daily reminder of how worthless i am. The starvation wages that keeps me trapped in the economic underclass. Making just enough to survive to pay the bills having no social life outside of the monotony of the warehouse. Even if I had a more gregarious extroverted personality i couldn’t afford with my measly wages to go out to venture outside the enclave of my flat and get drunk on the town. The warehouse is where i get incarcerated for 40 hours a week. I am not imbued with feelings of self worth or purpose being employed. I feel like a indentured servant unable to untether myself from the manacles of the warehouse. There is all this colour all this vitality all this beauty in the vast world that my crippling socially anxiety and aspergers prevents me from enjoying. The luscious fruits of the world i am prohibited from tasting due to the hinderances of being me.
The ambience of the warehouse with the lack of vivaciousness the soulless vacuum where cursed souls go to rot. In this venue i am slowly dying as my crumbling dreams vanish into dust into long abandoned slowly fading memories. My life has become a compromised pointless existence as i have finally accepted my condemned fate. I am doomed to be forever ensconced in this noxious place never to leave never to fulfil my grandiose dreams. I will never be rich or achieve a modicum of happiness existing in this limbo employment. I am a prisoner a drone forgotten by society serving out a life sentence in a warehouse with silent screams of emotional torment nobody will hear or cares about.